Diagnosis – a letter from my AuADHD

Why does a diagnosis of ADHD, autism or AuADHD seem so scary?

Are you afraid? … of what exactly?

Look at people with diagnoses where the end result could be death. You see them around you every day – and it’s possible they also have ADHD or are on the spectrum. You don’t know that. But… despite that, they look for strength and faith within themselves. They fight. But not with themselves – they fight a much worse opponent. Invisible, silent, and sometimes too fast. Unrelenting. And yet they believe they’ll win.

And you? You can’t be bothered. You’re depressed. You didn’t clean up. You didn’t learn. You didn’t do it.

That’s not laziness. That’s just your current excuse: “I’ve got ADHD or AU, so I can.” But you haven’t even tried to pick up the glove. I’m telling you: you can. You can pick it up and start cooperating – with yourself, with what you’ve got inside. And more than that – you can teach others that you can live with it. And even quite nicely.

Change your thinking – that’s my good advice. Your world will become completely different.

Sometimes that’s all it takes: “Ah f*** it, I’m having a good day – I’ll just do it now and it’ll be done.” Seriously.

That’s why I say STOP 🛑 to marketing that feeds us ready-made excuses: why I didn’t do something today, why I couldn’t manage, why nothing works for me.

You open a reel. And there: “I don’t feel like going to work.” Of course, you repeat it too: “Me neither.”

And what is your subconscious recording? Do you know? Because I do: you’re programming yourself. And it’s up to you which way it goes.

My favourite one – “Do you have ADHD? With this app you’ll succeed” 🤣🤣🤣 Bullshit, I checked – 27 questions for ADHD? Seriously? Who answered that? 🤣🤣 Not to mention the amount of distractions.

Of course I also advertise my own app, which I built based on my brain, my setup, my example. But I could never say it’ll solve your problem or mine. It can only ease your memory.

You go to work because it was your decision. No one forced you. You limited yourself much earlier – and now you face the consequences, good or bad. But you know what? Let me comfort you: you can change that. You can change it. And it’s not that hard.

You want to tell me that you can teach any animal a trick but you can’t teach yourself? So your brain has limits? You deny science?

Then explain to me – how the hell are you still alive? A lot of people drive cars or ride bikes or do other tasks that require lightning-fast, intense focus – and they’ve got ADHD, Au, or both. Is that not possible? And yet it is – so no pill 💊 will fix it, and no advert explains your attitude.

People who can’t see, hear, or speak – still manage to function in the world. And you? Are you disabled? No. You just think like shit, and why? Because you can (that’s what today’s ads and media say) – and you go even deeper into it, instead of getting pissed off and saying STOP 🛑.

You say: “No one understands me.”

And do you understand others? Have you tried?

When someone speaks another language – you learn it because you want to know what they’re saying. But you – you chose another path. You said: “I’ve got ADHD and I don’t give a f***. That’s how I feel today. I’m not going to change it. I’d rather starve than learn – let them learn me.”

I have two different states: AU and ADHD. One’s reasonable, the other one’s fed up. One’s too honest sometimes, the other one apologises later. One cleans up after the other – and that’s already, f, sometimes too much.

Did you know that as a person with AuADHD I can have two ways of thinking at once? My son has the same “feature”. My dad had it too. And he taught me one thing:

“If you don’t learn, no one will do it for you.” An important sentence for almost everyone – why? Because if you want it, nothing is too hard.

And there’s your answer – “if you want to”. So do you? Answer quickly and honestly! Do you want more than existence and sadness – because that’s what the whole world shows, that AU and ADHD is a sentence and you need meds to “quiet it down”?

When there’s a puddle, do you step into it wearing new shoes you don’t want to get wet? Sometimes I walk into it with my son – we have fun 🤣 that was a partly bad example because… I’m one of those.

But it will always be your choice – what you do with it.

And I’m glad. Yes – I’m glad I’m different. We’re exceptional – in our own twisted way. It doesn’t even annoy me anymore that I’ve got colourful pegs (even though my brain still wants to buy them all in one colour). I hang them however – and I know people who have to at least match the colours. Me? I’ve learned to ignore it. Because it’s useless to me.

I started filtering: is this really necessary to me?

I recommend it. It’s a long process – but it helps.

…because if you just put a bit of good intention and honest thinking into your f***ed up head, you’d realise that…

It’s not people who don’t understand you.

It’s not you who doesn’t understand them.

It’s you who doesn’t understand yourself.

And you can change that.

But no – you’d rather say:

“I’ve got a diagnosis. I’m shit. No one understands me.” 🤣 What a joke.

And you know what?

I came up with and wrote nearly this whole text while hoovering the house. What does that say? That you can live well with ADHD or Au.

Of course not everyone will understand this text. It’s not for everyone – it’s for you, so that you realise that every day you make a choice. And you decide which one.

Best,

Ange from FocusZen 💜 

P.S.

I’ve written this text 10 times already. ChatGPT tried to re-edit it – under threat of being uninstalled if it changed even one word. It was supposed to correct spelling and punctuation only. Of course many won’t agree or won’t get it – and many will. I know one thing: when we change the world, we start with ourselves – so we can teach others later. So logically: by changing your own “weirdness”, you change your own world. And only you decide which way feels right.

✳️ From the author:

This text is for those standing at a crossroads, not knowing which way to go.

If after reading it you feel like this is about you – and you’re ready to choose a direction – then go for it. Walk.

‼️⚠️ But if, after reading, you don’t feel like you can make a decision –

here’s my honest advice: talk to a psychologist or psychiatrist.

They can help you see what you truly feel – and where your beginning really is.